Void
by Shakabuku
Summary: Set Season 1. What if Jude found out about Tommy and Sadie a little differently? ONE SHOT


A normal person would say something. A normal person wouldn't stand by and watch. But I passed the realms of normalcy a long time ago. So I'm just here . . . stationary. No flames lick my irises, no edge to my voice, I'm simply void. Someone would probably think I was in shock and then they'd begin looking for a place to hide for when I finally blew. But they're wrong cause I am no longer the normal me, I'm void and stationary. Above all I'm calm. And that's what's going to scare the hell out of them. That is once they realize I'm actually here.

Now the person behind me that just entered, they're in shock. Wanna know how I can tell? Cause he just rammed into me, due to the shock, which knocked me over. Only proving that yet again I was wrong cause I guess I wasn't so stationary if I landed flat on my face. Oh and it succeeded in pulling the two beasts mauling each other away from one another. Right now I'm kinda grateful I'm face down cause if they hadn't stopped soon I would've had my own personal porno and for some reason I'm just not horny right now.

They're gaping at me like I'm an alien. Well sorry to interrupt foreplay. She no longer has any of her pretty pink tinted gloss, but he sure does. His hair is standing on end, probably because its even more producted than hers is. She almost just joined me on the floor, trying to untangle her limbs from him. From their straddled position she looks like a pro, so why's she stumbling now? Your goal should always be quality even in times of distress.

My fellow intruder's trying to help me off the ground, he really is a sweet guy. I can't believe his poor virginal eyes have to see this, not that I have any reason to assume he's a virgin. There's that word assume, this is what I get for assuming people I associate with actually have human dignity. I should have remembered that when you assume, you make an ass out of me and you, but mostly me.

Look at that we've all managed to stand up. Is it weird that right now I find myself thankful that I can stand? Maybe it's a subconscious metaphor for me, cause the only thing that really cares about the scene in front of me is probably my subconscious, but I've learned to ignore that. So I'm stationary and void again, at least I can accomplish small goals, right?

Wow this is some record breaking silence. What's wrong with these people? All three of them are glancing at me then shooting a glance to someone else, but they keep coming back to me. I don't look exceptionally stunning today, they have no reason to stare at me. Did I mention they're nervous stares?

If no one's gunna speak I don't mind breaking the tension. I don't care anymore. "I didn't injure my face when I fell did I?" Kwest shakes his head from beside me. Of course he's the only on with enough courage to respond, he wasn't just caught in the act. I continue, "then why are you all starring at me?" I just succeeded in being the first artist ever to say something completely emotionless, today's a day for the record books.

He's opening and closing his mouth, he wants to speak. For some reason he can't though and it's making him look like a fish out of water. Normally I'd laugh, but there's nothing coming out. "Kwest he looks like a fish out of water," to follow up my comment I make the faces. Kwest holds back a snicker. If he can laugh, why can't I? Maybe it's the whole void thing, oh well you win some, you lose some.

"Jude," guess the fish found his voice. Starring him straight in the eye I respond, "Yes?" It's not friendly, it's not cold, it's just sorta there, stationary, but not in a defensive way. He looks even more confused and tentativly makes his way towards me as if he's afraid of me. If I was him I'd be afraid of me too, but see I'm not the normal me anymore. I'm calm, it scares him even more. He tries to get more words out, but he can't form them. "No need to stutter," I tell him.

"We never meant to hurt you," he finally gets out. If enough people say something it must be true, right? "Ok," and I nod my head. I walk right past him, then her and grab the thing I entered the room for in the beginning. I only came to get my guitar. They're all doing that starring thing again, but this time it's more of a bewildered kinda stare. Who would've guessed that in this situation I would be the shocking one? I'm moving towards the door and I throw over my shoulder, "I'll find you guys if I come up with anything," then I leave.

I'm walking towards the upstairs sitting area cause the rest of my stuff is up there on the couch. I'm right in the middle of the lobby when he comes running after me. "What's wrong with you?" he says in a loud voice, but he lacks the incredulous tone from before, now it's an angry one. I replied, be it only one word, it answered his question, "nothing." I haven't stopped walking yet, now he has a new question. "You don't care?!" this time he's louder and by the sounds of it, angrier. "No."

I guess that really pissed him off because he gripped my shoulder and spun me around so fast my head was spinning. "How can you not care?!" he yells. I shrug my shoulders, which doesn't really work due to his death grip, so I vocalize it for him, "Cause I don't." I have never seen such a dangerous look in someone's eyes in my entire life, yet I feel no fear. I'm stationary and void, I'm calm. He has no effect on me. He's gripping to hard and I'll have a bruise tomorrow, but I feel no pain.

"Why are you acting like this?" he gets out between gritted teeth, it sounded kinda like a growl. Now I'm mildly confused cause I thought I was acting fine, "How would you like me to act?" He motions wildly with his free hand as he exclaims, "Scream, swear, slap me . . . anything to show me you care!" I said, "fuck," plainly as I slapped him, "better?" He shook his head almost sadly, "What have you done with my Jude?"

When did I become his, because I don't seem to remember when that happened. I do however remember that it never happened. "I'm not your Jude." A second burst of energy seemed to come to him at this point cause suddenly his anger had returned. "What the fuck is this?!" Now we're really getting an audience and I've never been happier that Georgia's not here. "How about we go to your office and discuss this calmly since you seem to think there is something to talk about." I don't wait for his response I just pry myself out if his grip and walk away, handing off my guitar to some intern.

I'm barely in his office a second before he flies in behind me, slamming the door. That's the difference between me and him. He's a loose cannon and I'm calm. "Explain yourself," he demands. Isn't that what I'm supposed to be saying? "Ok well I was working on a new song like you ordered me to. I need my guitar so I went to get it from the studio I had left it in. You were there in a rather vicarious situation, then Kwest knocked me over. From there on I think you could remember, unless you're Dorie. Do you have short term memory?" I love Finding Nemo, it's a great movie. If he leaves his face like that it may freeze that way, I should be nice and tell him that but I won't.

"No explain why the hell you're acting this way!" There really is no need for him to yell at me. I heard the question the first hundred times he asked it, maybe he does have short term memory. "We've been through this. I did exactly as you asked me," just like I always do. Have I become a push over? No I don't think so, maybe before, but not now. Now I just don't care. It feels kind of nice, odd but nice. "You basically walk in on me screwing your sister for god sakes and you don't even bat an eyelash!?" In my defense I did stand there in a semi shock I guess you could say and then I got knocked over, isn't that enough for him. Guess I'm never enough.

"Would it be so wrong to say I didn't care? What's the big deal if I don't go storming off in tears? Shouldn't you be happy?" He should be ecstatic, now he and Sadie can practice making babies while I write music. I see no flaw, other than the numerous ones he has. And what he does next almost surprises me, because he looks like for once in his life he's actually thinking. Thinking something more than which beat goes where or how many shots he can consume before he can't drive his car home. That and he's not yelling, which he seems to like to do in this situation.

"I'm not happy," it comes out softly and sadly with what was that, bitterness? That's when it hits me. I can't care cause, "Even if I did, it wouldn't matter." It's not that I don't want to or even that it's not physically possible, it's that I just can't. And instead of feeling good about being free I feel like an entire part of me has been ripped away. He's like the shoes I have to grown into but mom won't let me wear cause I'll ruin them and god dammit I do want them and now. "Even if I cared would that change anything? You would still be you and I'd still be me. And even if you weren't with her you'd be with some other nameless blonde."

He's doing that fish thing again. You gotta hate it when you're right. He can't contradict me cause he knows I'm right. Is it wrong that, that hurts more than walking in on them? "How about we just call it a day?" My voice isn't void this time, its soft and gentle as if he was the victim in this situation. I try to walk away but he just won't let me, this time he latches onto my arm. "What if I want you to care?" I place my hand on the one of his that's holding my arm. He's warm, like always, even in the freezing cold he's warm. I remove his hand and hold onto longer than I probably should. I lace my fingers with his and with a shrug of my shoulders tell him, "Dreams give us something to work for," god damn curse of hope.

He pulls me into a hug, so warm, just right. I can faintly smell her on him, pretty sure I bought her that perfume for her birthday last month. I know it's a sad smile gracing my lips as I pull away but I can't help it, "See you tomorrow?" His eyes go downcast and I know he can't look at me as he goes to say what he's about to say, "Actually I have to pick up Sadie tonight for a date." I just slowly walk farther and farther away, "Right." Thank god Georgia's not here today, cause for as far away as I'm walking, I'm gone.

I'm no longer stationary, but I am calm. And with a little work, if I'm lucky, I'll stay void - at least until I can care.


End file.
